Sometimes, i really do hate people

So, Ok I am chatting online last night. Just chatting seriously and actually wasnt getting offers for sex or anything. I am talking to this guy who is asking me what i want to do when i graduate and had just told me, he graduated twenty years ago and still doesnt know what he wants to do. I tell him that i enjoy politics and would like to work in it in some fashion. his response was. "I am not trying to be rude, but grow up. Run the fuck away. People hate politicians and you need to fucking see that you should do that". I was like, well fuck you too. I responded by saying, I never stated i wanted to be a politician and there are many different things I can and want to do. I said i want to work for a lobying organization that has a define goal. The enviroment, gay rights, abortions for all. Ok so not that last one, i was just seeing if you were paying attention. He just reponded that he was jaded and that i am need to realize that i would need millions of dollars to make any different. I wrote back. and of course i was nicer than this but, Jackass, i am not stupid, i have a political science degree, i know how the system works and what to do. Just because you are a bitter, jaded middle aged man who doesnt know what you want to do doesnt mean you need to be rude to me. We said a few other things but that was about it. that is ridiculous that someone would feel they need to say that to me. Whose business is it what i do? I just hate that someone would think they can be that rude to me. say, wow a tough business or something like that but dont me to fucking run away and grow up. You dont know, and you can not judge what i say one here. Sometimes, i really do hate people. Seriously!

pictures of flowers

Ok, so they are not flowers yet but they are growing, i am figuring by november we will have buds.

ho-hum

So, Where are you suppose to meet nice guys? I mean seriously i dont want a "fag" who is just a slutty lushy but i want a real guy. I just dont know anymore. All the guys in this town are morons. I know there are good ones out there that do not go to clubs or bars or anywhere "normal". But then if that is the case, where do you meet them. Randomly at Target or a non starbucks coffee house? I know my prospects are somewhat diminished by living in Nobletucky with the fucking soccer moms and people who are worried about where you park but seriously where? I am looking for help here. I am sick of being single and i am ready for something now. I know this. I dont want cheater but then i want that relationship back. Does that make sense? I have forgiven him for what he did but i will not forget and i need to move on before i can think about him. He is going to be out of the state for at least a year so that is really good for me because it gives me time. In a year who knows but i dont think it will lead me to him. There are people that i like but they are taken or cant seem to take the step of dating yet. Long story, really dont want to talk about that. I want to meet a nice, normal guy who has friends that arent all gay, that doesnt define himself by being gay and has a decent life and by that i mean, a good job, a little money (not tons, dont want a sugar daddy, just want him to support himself) and is happy with his life and most importantly with himself. I just dont want to be single anymore but i dont want to date someone because they are there. I want a real friend and boyfriend. Any suggestions? I dont want to meet him at the club because other than Burt and Erney I dont believe that actually works.

You may not like this one, just a warning

So, i apoligize that this post is kinda deep and darker than most. I also apoligize if you disagree with me on what I say but i am trying to figure this out and i hope typing it out will help.

So I started my Political Theory class last night, (woohoo). We were talking about emperical (Factual) and Normative (value based) statements. We came to one and then discussed it and i began to think about it and how i feel about the issue. The statement was "Abortion is murder". The problem we were having with the class was that it could be considered emperical or normative depending on how the person views the issue. One person may say it is value based while the other person truly believes the abortion is murder and therefore it is emperical because emperical can be fact based questions even if they are false. I hope that makes sense.

Well, I began to think about what i think about abortion and is it murder or not. Personally, I believe that I have no right to tell Stephanie is Wyoming that she HAS to have the baby she is pregnant with. I would never choose abortion or want someone to choose it but it is not my body or my emotions. I understand people that are adamently against it and i respect that opinion because i do believe that adoption is soo much a better option especially now when you can pick a family that will send pictures, or allow you to know and have visitation with the child. I believe in Safe, Legal and Extremely Rare.

But when do those cells growing in the womb become a baby and when do they become "alive". I find it hard to believe that at the moment of conception there is a concious thought in the two cells that are formed but if not then, then when. I dont believe that it is when the baby comes out of its mother because there is evidence that their is brain function before that. I personally believe the partial birth abortion is murder because waiting until the baby is ready to be born and then deciding that you dont want it, is just wrong. Abortion is meant, i guess, to keep you from going through the pregnancy and if you have gone through it then what is the problem, call an adoption agency. I have heard the argument that when the child is able to live on its own outside its mother then it is "alive" and i guess i would have to agree with that because it seems the most logical although this is not a logic issue. I think that a decision should be made within the first trimester and after that there is no choice except in rare circumstances that the mother is ill, the child will only live in extreme pain for a short time or has already died, but not just because the mother changes her mind.

I believe that abortion should be legal for a few reasons. One, they will continue to happen and i would rather it be in a safe, sterile clinic than in an alley with a coat hanger. The second reason is, if you believe the abortion is murder then why do we all exceptions. Why would you say that the mother's life is any more important that the child. If the mothers life is in danger because of the fetus, why is it that we go with her life. Why is it ok when the woman is raped? I understand the emtional problems that the mother will go through and have a huge amount of respect for women who are raped and raise the resulting child but again we are putting her life about the childs. If abortion is murder then abortion is murder and all abortions should be thrown out.

Well I think that helped me figure out what i feel about this. I know some of you will probably talk to me about it and that is fine because i obvoiusly dont know waht i compoeltly think and talking about it may help.

Long time no blog

So, Ok I know it has been a long time since I blogged but my life has been crazy lately.

I wrecked my car and then had a new one within seven days. I really like my new car. It is smaller than I am used to but i hope it is good on gas mileage and will last a while. It is a 1997 Saturn with only 54000 miles, that is crazy, 6000 miles a year, i put 30000 on my old car in just under three years. I got a good deal although the dealer guys needed to get together and decide how we has to pay because at first they said that mom had to be there and then she did not since she was putting on her credit card so she stayed at work and i went in at 2 to pick it up and the guy was like, when does your mom get here. I said she wasnt and he said she had to be. I told him he had to call and tell her and deal with her when she got here because i wasnt going to do it. He then agreed to fax it to her which was probably better for all involved because she would have been pissed. Well i finally got to drive the car away, and they clapped for me. That was amusing. I like my little saturn.

So I have been told I need to post an update on the plants that i blogged able earlier. I will post pictures later tonight so check back. They are doing pretty well, the grass finally came in, super thick although Leo needs to keep oscar off it since he is still killing the grass. I am going to reseed tommorrow so i will then have to keep him off of it.

I am sooo over dealing with cell phone companies. Verizon sent my mom a bill for an account that we never had although the girl i talked to was super nice and took care of it. I went to sprint to buy a new phone and you know how you walk into some stores and the associate is just a little wierd. well i went into the sprint store at Clay Terrace and that is what happened well they did not have the phone I wanted so we needed to go to another store, he told us the intersection where it was, we saw it. it said sprint, and had that stupid yellow symbol they have now. We went in and there was one older woman working and she was helping someone else. it took her twenty minutes and was still helping him. IN that time we figured out we were at the wrong store so we went in search of the third store. literally it was across the street. At this point, i was over it and wanted my phone. that is when Joanie came into my life. I told her what i wanted she asked about accessories, i said no. She asked for the account information and ten minutes later, I had my new phone. I love her, that is the best customer service I have had at any cell store this year. she did exactly what i wanted and nothing more. she even did it right. I LOVE HER and i told her that. LOL

I think that is it for now, i will post some pictures later if anyone cares

I am so ashamed, i went to Wal-Mart, TWICE!

Ok, So this is going to be a rambling blog about things that arent long enough to be a whole blog or would be really boring as a whole blog so they get all clumped together.

So, Grace is such a HAG, i dont mean that she is ugly but she found the only gay couple in Noblesville and became friends with them. (I know, I know he said hi to you but then you walked over and started having an hour long conversation with them.) Well they are going to be called Joe and Larry because of, of course Will and Grace. Well Grace somehow gets herself invited into their house to snoop. She falls in love with this fan, from Wal-Mart of all places. We will come back to that in a minute. Well we have a nice conversation with them and they are super nice. Larry had a daughter and is amusing about it because she developing umm boobs and he is not at all happy. We are going to keep in contact with them adn have decided we want to move to that block becasue they are very nice although i really only think it is Mary Kay that is a bitch on our block, everyone else seems super nice. Oh yea Grace went talked to Mary Kay last night about the whole police thing. We decided just to act like we did not know who called and say if you have any problems, just come over. She of course did not fess up to being the one who called. Oh well it is over and we won. She can just get over it.

So back to the fan, while Grace was snooping she saw a ceiling fan that she loved but it was of course at Wal-mart where we do not shop because of their employee treatment. Well At first i was saying no, dont buy it but really she was not finding fans that she liked anywhere else and if you can only find it there then i think it is ok but if i can buy it at target, meijer or anywhere else, i will even if i have to pay more. Well we went there last night and ended up buying 3 fans for the house. She only spent $116 on three fans, which is not bad. We could have bought similar fans at meijer for 80-90 each. I am torn because ifeel like we should buy them there but they are not exactly the same thing and we already own them. I am oging to go home tonight and see if i can put them up so we have air flow in the house.

So, I am very happy because i have a lunch buddy at work. Maria, (not a real name,although her real name sounds more like a nickname) is from sallie mae and not works at the hospital. She and i have lunch like once a week which is nice. its nice ot have somoene to talk to because i basically sit in my offce and do nothing. We usually go over to the hotel but it is fun.

Well I know there are other things i forgetting aobut. I woudl tell you about going to Homearoma yesterday butit would probably be pretty boring so i wont do that to ya.

Bush is stupid

Ok, So this is just funny and it is basically a blog entry in and of itself.

Plantin Season (Yes, I know there is suppose to be a G but i am trying to be country)

Ok, so the front of our house is very boring. Its a cookie cutter house with bad landscaping. It is what came with the house. Grace wanted Gerber Daisies but at this juncture, they are are too expensive to get the right look and we waited to long to put bulbs in the ground. Well i decided, and grace concurred when i told her she did, to get one of those shakers with a bunch of different seeds in it. it was 5.46 at Home Depot. I honestly thought we would have one maybe two flowers out of the whole bunch. I did not have high hopes, especially since every plant in this house that I brought with me have died. (Its graces fault and therefore is not allowed, unsupervised to even look at my flowers, i am serious, if i find out she looked at them or even thought about it, there will be hell to pay. I dont care that the house is in her name, the flowers are in mine and they will survive). Anyhoo i put the shaker out and thought it would be a couple of weeks before anything would really start. Well they have already. its thursday and things are starting to grow, just look at the pictures. The first one is of the entire bed. The fire bushes were there origianally but i figured it would look wierd with nothing so i left them so if nothing grew we wouldnt be the laughing stock of the neighborhood and our neighbors wouldnt hate us, well more than mary kay does, btw there is a picture of the situation now, so take a look. The second and third picture show the little plants coming up. I am rather impressed with it, especially if that many really come up. We will see. The thirs picture might be harder to see but you can kinda see all the little plants. So i will tell you about my other growing project. So Oscar, the dog, had toxic urine. he killed a large plot of our sod. Well i decided to dig it up and plant grass seed so that he will have all grass out there and it wont look wierd. Well it is not going quite as well. I am hoping they are still working on it because if they dont grow i will be mad, although it will be graces fault for looking at it or something. Well i have also included a picture of what we are calling the mud hole.

Neighbors

Ok, Well I figured i would blog about this STUPID incident that happened. Ok everyone knows i now live in the burbs. I mean the BURBS. Me, Oscar, the Cats and soccer moms. I usually dont have a problem with the soccer moms but the more i am out there, the more i dislike them, although definatly not all. Well our neighborhood is quite interesting. There really is a mix of people in the neighborhood. We have a young couple with two yound, adorable children next door, a retired couple on the other side and dating couples across the street. Well the family that lives directly across the street is something else. We are going to call the woman over there Mary Kay, because well she sells Mary Kay. Well it has been a joke for the last month or so that she did not like me because of where i parked, which is in front of her house. I really meant it as a joke and i think Grace did as well. Well I park across the street from our house because if i park in front of the house, we wont get our mail. Since her box is with ours, you would think she would be happy about that. I am sitting watching TV Monday and i see this big black truck pull up and park in front of our house with flashers on. He goes up to the house next door to Mary Kay, I was calling the woman Hag but i dont like that now, so we will call her, Betty. Well he talks to betty for a few minutes and then she leads him to mary Kay's side door. They talk for a while. In this time Grace comes home and is obviously trying to figure out what is going on. She ends up talking to the neighbors on either side of us. Well when the police man comes over he tells me i have to turn my car around because it is parked in an incorrect fashion. I told him that it was fine. he explained that i could park on the street 24/7 becuase it was a public street. So We explain to him that we can not park in front of our house because then we wont get our mail and i can not park in the back because Grace and Leo park back there. Take a look at the picture. Does that seem like a big deal to anyone, ANYONE!?! He said that is fine and basicall ythere is nothing she can do. Well Ic ome home the next dag and hag is standing outside her house. She comes up and asks to talk to me. She says that she did not call the police and gestures that Mary Kay did. She said she would have just come over and asked me to move if it really was a problem. I tod her, that if it ever was a problem to let us know. So basically Mary Kay was trying to get my car towed. I also find it very interesting that the next morning my tired magically had a screw in it. A little to conincidental dont you think? I can not prove and would not accuse her but just odd. I am still parking in front of her house beucase there is nothing that the bitch can do about it. I think Grace and I are going to go talk to her on sunday to see what the problem was. To me, it just really is not that big of deal. Who cares that a car is in front of your house. people are being killed every day in Iraq, our schools systems are crublinging because of lack of funding, healthcare costs are skyrocketing and THIS is what we and the cops are spending our time on. If you feel that it is a big deal please let me know because i just do not get it.

Child Sex Predators

I am going to apoligize because this is going to be a downer and normally i do not like to be completly depressing but this is going to be because i am about t obe sick.

Ok, So I am sitting here in the house trying to clean the house but I am engrossed in Dateline NBC's To Catch a Predator. This is absolutly the most apalling thing that I have ever seen. I am watching at this moment a man who brought his little son to meet a girl for sex. I just can not believe that someone would bring his son. There is another guy who is looking to meet a 14 yo girl and have her perform a sex act on a cat. I am glad they did not describe it anymore because i dont want to know. These guys are not usually ones that do this one time. There is one guy that Feminazi and I had discussed because he was young, attractive, a teacher and we were trying to figure out why he was going that well it turns out that while this was in Ohio, he was talking to a decoy cop in Carmel, and I mean Carmel Indiana. He is facing 8 felony counts here. I mean I feel bad for some of these people because their lives are ruined but at the same time, they should be caught because it is better to ruin their lives than allow them to ruin a childs life. It is very scarey

Ok , in a side note, Oscar the dog is currently running in a circle after his tail. He caught it and then started barking at it. He kept running in a circle while doing this and then fell to the ground with a daze in his eyes because i think he is dizzy. Ok that was just a funny sidenote.

I would be very worried to have children right now, but i would be very protective of my child. I would also teach my children about these things. I just dont know because this is sooooo disgusting. I am about to be sick. I am glad to see that these people are going to jail but it might not be enough because they just get back out and then can do it again. The internet just makes it to easy. Well I am over thinking about it.

Pink

Ok, So everyone knows that i am somewhat political. just a little. Well I was listening to some of the new songs from Pink's new album and one of them is call Dear Mr President. It is a really good song. I usually dont love the songs written to the president about his actions because you can not get everything out in 2 or 3 minutes but this is good. I loaded it on my MySpace profile so go take a listen.

Also, there is another song on there, I guess this is going to be a blog about Pink and her new album. There is a song called, Conversations with my 13 year old self. That got me thinking. What would I say to my 13 year old self. I know there is a lot I wish I knew at that age. I would tell myself to calm down, lifes not that big of a deal. It all works out in the end and that rough times are coming but you will survive. I dont know if i would tell myself about mistakes I made because i feel those mistakes made me the person that I am. I would tell myself to accept being gay and move on. The world will not end. Other than that, I would still want things to happen to me as they did because if they did not, i would not be where i am today, with the life and friends i have today.

Ok, My last thing about the album. I think this album is very empowering to women and especially young girls who may look at all the performers out there and get the wrong idea about them. Say what you will about Britney and Christina but I believe that it is mostly an image they try to put out. They could not get that far without being intelligent. Men use themeselves to sell things but that is ok. Some of these girls though do not seem to understand what they are showing to the public. I have a problem with the cameras following people all the time but at the same time, you can not turn off them cameras until you want them. the public wants to know about your life. Girls like Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohen and etc are bad influence because they are not being smart about their image. I dont know I am torn. I believe what Pink says, there is being sexy and that is fine but you can also be smart at the same time. many of my female friends and sexy and smart. They are not oil and water.

Well, I feel like everyone should get this album and listen to it because it is pretty good.

I went poop in my bed, so i put it on the tv

Ok, SO i feel the title needs explanation. It is from Scrubs. I dont normally watch the show but Grace and Leo had it on while we were looking at cars and that was the funniest line i have heard in a while. It was said by a little kid to his parents who just found out they were pregnant.

Ok so anyway. SpeedyGonursy and I went down to Elizabethtown, IN to go to Ceasar's casino. I had never been to casino when i could actually gamble. I wanted to gamble a bit and see what it is like. It was fun but when we were standing in line for a member card to get benefits, there were these women behind us that i wanted to just tell to shut up. They were white trash mid 40yo women with horrbie dye jobs. THere was just one old guy filling out the forms but more people were supposed to be more people coming. Well these women were standing behind us and just saying things like, I cant believe there is only one person. they are loosing money from this and just bitching. it was sooo pointless because yes it was annying that there was one person but it was not his fault or the other employees were right there. when somoene did come up to start logging in, they yelled and clapped and then were upset because it took time to log in but i mean come on, i am sure he can not just do it in one second. OK soafter that were went down to play. We found the penny slots, i know big money. I lost some money adn then SpeedyGonursy gave me 10 because i think she was annoyed thaqt i was watching her haha. I stretched that ten bucks out for like 3 hours. I was at one point up like 60 bucks but of course i kept playing and lost it all. Oh well, it was fun and i get my money back so its all good.

I am sad, The amazing race is ending tonight for the season. I am hoping that the Hippies or Ray and Yolanda win. I think it will be the hippies but i could see it being the frat boys.

TiVo TiVo Tivo

I bought this new TiVo and can I just say this, I LOVE TIVO! It is my happy machine. I used to have TiVo but the modem got burnt out and I was poor at the time so I did not get a replacement. I have been wanting to get one but I was waiting until they caught up with cable and you could record two shows at once and watch one while recording another. They finally came out with it woo hoo. This is a picture of mine, isnt it pretty. I am thinking of using it as my Christmas card. Is that wierd? Oh well if you have one, you will understand. Well now I can watch stuff and plus i can listen to my music on it, look at weather and traffic, which is actually nice to have. I kinda though, oh I will never use that but i have looked at it every morning since i now have a commute at rush hour. Oh on that note, i am soooo happy that i found a 30 minute way to work. At sat at 116th st the other morning for 25 minutes going two miles an hour. not fun. Ok So now that i have TiVo, my like should be good now right? No. I moved my bedroom around and the Tv is broken. I blame LesboDyke for the bad energy she has put into my life.

Ok so anyone, i love TiVo, you all know it and you should all get one, but put me down as a reference because i need TiVo points because i need merchandise from TiVo.

Shut up Grace

Ok, So i am writing a post. I was going to start off bitching at Grace because I post way more often than she does but then i decided I should actually look at her blog before I say anything that I would regret. Of course she has posted!

Well I am pretty boring. Have been trying to get organized in the house. I moved my room around yesterday to make it more functional for me. Ok well not so much for me but for Oscar. I felt that he did not feel comfortable in the room so I moved it around to get him more room. I felt really bad last night, it was about 11 and he was sound asleep, kinda snoring on my floor. I was going to go to bed and debated whether to wake him up or let him sleep. I decided to move him because i did not think they entire zoo should be within two rooms. I also did not want him to wake up and decide to eat cat food. I figured that the liquid poo later in the day was not worth letting him sleep. I felt really bad though. although he probably just went in the bedroom and fell asleep.

Feminazi has really been having the interesting week. Well I am sure that everyone knows about LesboDyke. Well if you are not, i will give you the short story. Feminazi and I took a gender class this semseter adn the LesboDyke was in the class and is the stereotype of the of Dyke, not a lesbian, a dyke. Just want to make that perfectly clear. She is very religious and is against homosexuality, not homosexuals but homosexuality, cause those are easy to seperate. She and I have had many discussions, yea that is what we will call them. She and I obviously disagree about what the bible and god says. I talked to god this morning and she told me that LesboDyke was completly wrong. Well I think that she is trying to hide that she likes women by "keepin it real wit Jesus", yes that is what she actually says and signs her emails with. and I did mean Wit not with. Well she does not seem to like the idea of logic. she does not follow it and will ignore flaws in her argument when logic points out how wrong she is. Well, Feminazi gets an email the other day from her talking about her relgious views and stating that she wants to be friends with her. I mean what the hell? Well it goes on and Feminazi ends the email stream by stating that she does not want to be friends with her because of her views on things such as homosexuality and that she could not be friends with her because of them. I have respect for that because I had friends that could not get past it and quit being friends with me because of that, oh i will talk about one of them in a second. So now, LesboDyke keeps sending her email after email after email trying to be friends and get her to go to their church where she states are former Mos, theives and CHILD MOLESTORS. She willingly attends and takes her child to a place with child molestors. HELLO!!!!!!

Ok so former best friend. in high school was Mr academic, FLUNKED out of college not once but TWICE. I really am thinking of making a nice copy of my diploma and writing on HA, LOOK WHAT I HAVE, SUCK IT BITCH!

woohoo, i am done

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Long time

Wow, So it has been a long time since i posted. School has been crazy and then moving as well. My own fault, I should have moved when my lease was up but i was opposed to the idea for some reason. I need to learn to be less stubborn. I get an idea in my head and wont let it go. I think it will be odd living up in Noblesville with Grace and ummm, her husband (i forget if i have a nickname for him or not, and i refuse to call him Leo). I dont think it will be bad but i have to get used to living with other people and so will they. I have lived alone for three years but I will have to live with someone someday, so I might as well do it. I will also have to get used to the commute. I want to get a part time job on top of my glorified av boy job so I can buy a new car. I want a Honda or Toyota. They are more expensive but better on gas millage. The Prius, gets 60 MPG in the CITY! the city people. that is insane. The honda insight also get 60. plus it get better milage on the highway, although it is only a two seater which wouldnt thrill me. Well I dont know where i want to work. I dread going back to retail but i dont know where i can get a job that will work around my schedule. I also dont want to work for shit money. I am over that shit but i dont want to be a manager because i just dont care that much. I want to go, do my job to the best of my ability and then go home. I dont want to have to think about. I dont know.

Everyone that reads this needs to spread the rumor that ALL GAY MEN CANT SWIM. My friend feminazi and I are trying ot start a stereotype for gay men and see if we can see it on tv. Wel figure it wont take long, get a few people who beleive and in a year or two we should see it on tv. I am sure that the religious right will say thats why we shouldnt be able to marry. if god wants us to marry then he would have allowed us to swim.

Alright, when i started this blog, i felt like i had a lot to say but now i cant remember it so i am signing off.

Second Blog in as many minutes

So, I was thinking today. Everyday when i come into work I have to go to another building to get keys to the office. I always see this guy and think to myself "I hate gay people". I say that a lot and I feel now though I should explain what I mean so people understand. I am not a gay man. I am a man who happens to be gay. I do not define myself by my homosexuality. It is part, not all of who i am. Although, I do not see myself that way, the world sees me by the definitions and stereotypes that the gay community puts forward. The stereotype of a gay man is a "girly", feminine, flaming, out there, bar fly who does not have goals and only cares about sex, drugs and sex. I do not feel as though that definition fits me but i am judged because of what others put out there. I have goals. I have a life other than the fact that i am gay. I know that I will have to work harder because of that stereotype and it will not change in the near future. I hope that by being myself and achieving my goals, I am able to show people that there are differences. I will not relent from defending myself if I am attacked for being gay. I will stand up for myself. being gay is part of who i am. When i see a gay man who is defining himself by his homosexuality or fitting every stereotype, i get annoyed. I can think of many instances where someone may be very nice but they completly define themselves in that way. Feminazi (Formally Squidgy) and I and one of her friends, Beth (I cant think of a good nickname for her), were at the local coffee shop. One of Beth's friends came in and sat down with us. I met him when he worked for three days at the baggage. He defines himself by his homosexuality. He may be a very nice guy but everything he does is based on the stereotypes that are put forward. When Feminazi and I were leaving, I stated that i can not stand him and that is why. She seemed offended by it but I knwo that if it were a woman sitting there taking similar actions about female stereotypes, she would have been annoyed. In my dealing with him which is limited I will admit, he may have been a nice guy but I can not and will not accept that he is the stereotype. I do not believe that people choose this. I think homosexuals, men in particular, who seem to fit the stereotype on the outside do not truly enjoy their life. While they are acting in a stereotypical way, they are covering for a life of regret and low self esteem. The whole problem with the gay community is that we all suffer from low self-esteem. How can you not when you spend years of your life hiding who you are because you are told it is wrong, immoral and a sin. I had and still have at times an immense low self esteem problem. Some people cover it up with drugs, others with countless meaningless sexual encounters or like i did, with food. I think why i am fat is because i am gay. food is comforting. Sex can be comforting to some people because they feel validated by it. They feel that someone wants them and it makes them feel better but i always want to ask, when they leave do you still feel better? the person always leaves and they are along again. gay men hate being alone and rarely are. I think it is hard to learn to love yourself, but you can never truly love somoene if you dont know how to be alone and love yourself. I do not enjoy the one night stand because you are always alone in the morning so what does it serve.
People tell me thatsex is needed and i used to argue with that but now i just give up. I do not believe that sex is a need, it is a want. I want sex, I do not need it. I can live my life without it, until I have something more than a one night stand, although it is more fun to have it.
Gay men annoy me. I want to surround myself with men who happen to be gay. I dont hate the people that may be the wrong word, i dont like what they represent. They represent everything i stand against. Some may show who they are but others may just be showing who they want the word to see. We need to give up the facades we put out for others. Well, I think that is it. please post comments, I want to hear them.

Washington DC

Well, Dynasty, Painterboy and I got back from DC this morning. It was fun but was also nice to sleep in my own bed. I am still surprised how comfortable the sofabed was compared to other sofabeds. We walked all over the place, my foot is still killing me. I dont know what I did to my toe but it looked pretty bad at a time. I think just rubbing it was probably what did it. I dont know how Painterboy walked around in cheap Abercrombie Flip Flops all day (MOre about those later) We got to DC about 930 Thursday morning. As we were driving in, Marine One Flew over and that was awesome. PB (Short for PainterBoy) got a picture of it and it was good compared we were in the car and it was moving. I wish we could have gotten closer but the experience was cool. We checked into the hotel and were impressed for the money how nice it was. DY and PB took a nap and I just couldnt. We decided to walk places or take the subway. We were about 7 block from George and the White house so we walked down. it was a beautiful day to be walking and walking and walking and walking. I think you get the idea. We saw the WH and that was Awesome, i will live there someday. We found the subway and took it to Arlington so we could see JFK and Jackie and the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soilder. We must have taken the long way up because it took a good half hour, forty five minutes to get up and then when we were done, it took maybe five minutes. Ok I may be exagerating a little but still it was nuts. We then went to the Capitol. We walked around it and Dy was all ready to keep going but PB and I revolted and demanded food. I was really crappy because i was tired. I dont think DY got it but oh well. I just wanted to go back and take a nap. They ate at Fudruckers, which we ate at the next day adn was pretty good. We went home and slept for a bit and then went to Dupont Circle to see what was up. We went back to the hotel and ordered a pizza and went to bed.

The next day we got up, at like 11 and went to the art museum which was freaking huge. PB i think was super excited. We went to the Smithsonian and the mall. I expected the mall to be nicer but i guess everyone walking on it and stuff made it pretty run down. There were some hot guys there playing sports. We saw the giant penis, oops i mean the washington monument. That was cool. We started walking down to see Lincoln but i had hurt my toe the day before and just wanted to rest. I sat down watched the boys play rugby. I think DY was jealous i got to do that LOL. I really think he thinks thats why i stopped, although it wasnt, just a plus. We went back to the hotel for a bit and then were going to eat at Dupont circle. We ate at California Pizza Kitchen. Ok the deal with tthat. We saw it the night before but they were closed. Painterboy and Dy were all excited about it and I thought they were nuts like normal because it was a pizza place, not named pizza express so how good could it be. Ok so you know i love the express but for different reasons, it is my comfort pizza. California Pizza Kitchen is Awesome. I hate veggies on pizza and it was so good. I hate chicken on pizza cause it seems wrong cause i love chicken, but chicken and pizza just seems wrong somehow. Well this was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. I just wanna say, if you have the option to eat there it is quite good. I want a second, more conveniant one in indy, the one here is a lot of work to go to. As for the picture, i think painterboy was just excited LOL

We got up the next morning and i misse dbreakfast buy like minutes, minutes people, do you know how annoying that is. This guy on the elavator was nice though and let me have some of his. Ok that sounds bad but it really wasnt. It was amuffin and it was wrapped. He was a nice guy and cute as all get out.

Once they finally got up, and i do mean finally, we went to the Potomac Mills Mall. Ok the thing is HUGE, HUGE PEOPLE it was sort of an outlet. some outlet stores and others not so much. it had an IKEA which is always fun. I bought pretty boring stuff. SO on Friday night, i walked around and it was raining and i was wearing flipflops to help no put pressure on my toe, so i kept slipping, like the bottom had not traction. I ended up walking back from the subway barefoot because it was easier. Although was not completly fun. This parking lot had likes of broken class put into the design, it seemed stupid to me and it kinda hurt but better than falling on my ass. Well overall that trip was fun. Some of us had a small stupid tiff on the car ride home. no need to get into it. We made it back alright. I drove like 4 hours on the way home while the other two slept. Dy i dont htink even woke up in that time. PB kept waking up and asking if i was alright. it was kinda funny. Well I think that is everything. Some pictures are on here but they are just ones i feel are cool or relavent

I HATE GROUP PROJECTS

So ok, Everyone that was in college can definatly relate, I am sure to the story I am about to tell. I am in a class right now where we have to do group projects. I hate group projects, just the idea of relying on other for my grade bothers me. If i fuck up, fine but if I do a great job and they fuck up then the shit will hit the fan. I decided that with this group, I would kind of take charge in hopes that things will get done. Well in theory, it was a great idea. In reality, it has not worked out. the one flaw in my plan is that, even when you are in charge and tell people what needs to be done, you plan still relys on them actually doing it. I said I would put our proposal together and send it in. that way I knew what it said beforehand and knew it was done correctly. Well, I asked them to have it to me by Sunday at noon so I had time to do it. Well noon rolls around and NOTHING! I did not start getting stuff until around 5. Well now it is the next morning and I am still missing three whole sections from the paper and half of the major section. I am sure I am missing a section or two because the person is waiting on information from others. I will say that two people do have everything to me. Those are not who i am upset with. I am upset because its just the proposal and we can not get things in. I have to have this stuff by 4 to send in. If they do not have it to me, I am going to write crappy sections just to fill them in because as long as all the sections are there, it can be redone, i was trying to avoid that but I guess that is what this is for. The worst part about this is that we all get the same grade. I mean have us each grade each other so it gives a way to learn what people actually did. I am just so frustrated, I hate group projects because there are always people like this. Its so stupid. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Drama Drama Drama

So I went out to the club last night again. I went down with Burt, Ernie and Forgetfull. Forgetfull was acting wierd last night. Well, he was talking about Dynasty and I dont know what he meant by it. When we got there, there was a pagent going on. We waited for it to finish and went down and looked for a seat. We did not find out so we stood closer to the stage.

Well, Apparently it is a rule that here has to be at least one fat, faghag there in a horrible outfit. The last time I was there there was the girl i meantioned in a earlier post. Well last night there was another. She was a bigger girl, of course and she has a shirt on that was again to tight and showed he fat hanging over her jeans but that was not the worst part, the jeans just were HORRIBLE. They did not fit her well, made her look like she had no butt. But where the butt was, there were cutouts at the top down about half way down. It was just not what i wanted to see. It was so bad, i mean who thinks that would look good, especially on bigger girls. I mean i know i am fat so i dont wear what the twinks do.

So anyone, now that my bitching about that is over. Dynasty was there and so was his ex, Pharmy and Pharmys new THING, and i do mean THING, dipshit. Well Dynasty has been going through a lot of shit with Pharmy and he of course had to be there and they had to rub each others backs and shit. I mean like they are a fucking loving happy couple or something. It was so sweet i wanted to vomit, on them. I really wanted to go over to them and say something to him because I have no respect for him. He has treated Dy like crap recently and he deserves better. I will give it that stupid mistakes were made on both sides when they were together but GET OVER IT. If you can not fogive and move past it then why are you even friends. I mean, everyone has done something to someone and if you can not move past it then you shouldnt be friends. I hold on to shit longer than anyone and i have moved past things in the past and i dont mean with Dy just with anyone. Painterboy and I were going to go slash Pharmy's tires but we didnt, well i didnt, i dont know what happened after i left. I am just mad that Dy has had to go through this shit for no reason. Dy, you know i say this with all the love in the world but you can do SO much better than him. He is just not worth it. I am glad i left because had i stayed I would have gone and told him what i thought and also kicked his little bitches ass. I mean dipshit is just using him and thats sad because as much as i dont like pharmy, he deserves better too. He doesnt deserve Dynasty after this though. There is someone out there that will be so much better. Its just hard to see a friend go through this for no reason. It just seems like Pharmy is fucking with him in some perverse joke or to get back at him or something. Well I am done bitching.