So, I was thinking today. Everyday when i come into work I have to go to another building to get keys to the office. I always see this guy and think to myself "I hate gay people". I say that a lot and I feel now though I should explain what I mean so people understand. I am not a gay man. I am a man who happens to be gay. I do not define myself by my homosexuality. It is part, not all of who i am. Although, I do not see myself that way, the world sees me by the definitions and stereotypes that the gay community puts forward. The stereotype of a gay man is a "girly", feminine, flaming, out there, bar fly who does not have goals and only cares about sex, drugs and sex. I do not feel as though that definition fits me but i am judged because of what others put out there. I have goals. I have a life other than the fact that i am gay. I know that I will have to work harder because of that stereotype and it will not change in the near future. I hope that by being myself and achieving my goals, I am able to show people that there are differences. I will not relent from defending myself if I am attacked for being gay. I will stand up for myself. being gay is part of who i am. When i see a gay man who is defining himself by his homosexuality or fitting every stereotype, i get annoyed. I can think of many instances where someone may be very nice but they completly define themselves in that way. Feminazi (Formally Squidgy) and I and one of her friends, Beth (I cant think of a good nickname for her), were at the local coffee shop. One of Beth's friends came in and sat down with us. I met him when he worked for three days at the baggage. He defines himself by his homosexuality. He may be a very nice guy but everything he does is based on the stereotypes that are put forward. When Feminazi and I were leaving, I stated that i can not stand him and that is why. She seemed offended by it but I knwo that if it were a woman sitting there taking similar actions about female stereotypes, she would have been annoyed. In my dealing with him which is limited I will admit, he may have been a nice guy but I can not and will not accept that he is the stereotype. I do not believe that people choose this. I think homosexuals, men in particular, who seem to fit the stereotype on the outside do not truly enjoy their life. While they are acting in a stereotypical way, they are covering for a life of regret and low self esteem. The whole problem with the gay community is that we all suffer from low self-esteem. How can you not when you spend years of your life hiding who you are because you are told it is wrong, immoral and a sin. I had and still have at times an immense low self esteem problem. Some people cover it up with drugs, others with countless meaningless sexual encounters or like i did, with food. I think why i am fat is because i am gay. food is comforting. Sex can be comforting to some people because they feel validated by it. They feel that someone wants them and it makes them feel better but i always want to ask, when they leave do you still feel better? the person always leaves and they are along again. gay men hate being alone and rarely are. I think it is hard to learn to love yourself, but you can never truly love somoene if you dont know how to be alone and love yourself. I do not enjoy the one night stand because you are always alone in the morning so what does it serve.
People tell me thatsex is needed and i used to argue with that but now i just give up. I do not believe that sex is a need, it is a want. I want sex, I do not need it. I can live my life without it, until I have something more than a one night stand, although it is more fun to have it.
Gay men annoy me. I want to surround myself with men who happen to be gay. I dont hate the people that may be the wrong word, i dont like what they represent. They represent everything i stand against. Some may show who they are but others may just be showing who they want the word to see. We need to give up the facades we put out for others. Well, I think that is it. please post comments, I want to hear them.
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4 comments:
Feminazi here...well, for one thing, i don't hate all women who adhere to stereotypes because that may be who they are, but alot of women are NOT that way and would admit it but feel the need to adhere. I, myself, have fit into that category once for twice and in fact, cheat myself out of "good" things because I am afraid that I am adhereing the the stereotype. You and I suffer from the same thing in some respects; women too are defined by their sexuality in one respect or another and it appears that gay men are falling into the same category as of late. However, we cannot chose to like people who are generally the way that they are based on what we don't like, can we? I am kindof confused about the whole matter but I think that I may cheat myself out of normal pleasures of life, (normal because society tells me they are normal and I learn to accept that), all because I don't want to adhere to stereotypes. hmmmm...what to do? after all, we adhere on some things even if we don't want to. Besides, I have talked to that one guy that you don't like when he is no being, as you would say, a "flamer", and he is quite intelligent. I think he enjoys being entertaining and funny. It is not just because he is gay because most comedians are miserable inside and have found a way to deal with it, through laughter...
I really don't know where to begin. I hate stereotypes because i think they breed discrimination. At the same time, as much as we ALL may hate to admit it, stereotypes exsist for a reason. Certainly you are never going to find a race, gender, ethnicity, age group, etc. in which ALL members fit a particular mold. But sadly, as much as i hate to admit it, most stereotypes are true for a certain sector of a particular population. Generally, it is a majority of that population (and by majority I mean more than 50%, not necessarily 95%) The majority of 13 year old girls have phones permenantly attached to their ears. That's a stereotype. The majority of 20 something girls are married, wished they were married, thinking about marriage, etc. That's a stereotype. Americans speak fewer languages than Europeans. That's a stereotype backed up by statistics. http://www.nvtc.gov/lotw/months/november/USschoollanguages.htm Gay men like to party and do drugs. That's a stereotype. Whether we like to admit it or not, I think most, if not all stereotype stem from a certain amount fact. The problem is that those stereotypes are projected onto the entire population. People assume that because a girl is 13, she has a phone attached to her ear, because a girl is in her 20's she must be looking for someone to marry, because a person is from the US, they must not speak any foreign languages, and because a man is gay he must love to get high. What makes it worse is that we only speak up when the stereotype hurts us or someone we care about. Meanwhile, we continue to make our own stereotypes about others. Again, hate to admit it, but when I used to go out clubbing, i assumed that most of the guys there were looking to hook-up. And a lot of them were, but most of the guys there probably assumed that i was there for the same reason, which I wasn't. But it's a stereotype. It's a vicious cycle. You can't begin to change one stereotype until you are willing to let go of ALL stereotypes.
for the sake of argument, (and those who know me know i enjoy a good debate), i would argue that stereotypes do not apply to the majority of the population. it seems that we only notice things that agree with a stereotype and ignore the things that disagree therefore reinforcing the orginal stereotype. for instance, it is common knowledge that there are more differences withing groups than between groups. one of the very definition of stereotype is "A conventional, formulaic, and oversimplified conception, opinion, or image". we could use race for an example. in world war II germany publications there were exagerated caricature images of the jewish person who frequently had an an exceptionally large nose. i think most would agree that most jewish people do not have unusually large noses but this was the body part used to stereotype the jewish people. even today, i have heard people talk about a person with a large nose and say, "oh, they must be jewish" when he or she was not.
seconldy, the statement, "Americans speak fewer languages than Europeans" is not a stereotype but a fact. the definition of fact is "Knowledge or information based on real occurrences". according to the statistics that have been pointed out, it is absolutely true that americans speak fewer languages than europeans. perhaps the most distinguising factor between the two is the attitude behind it.
As fun as this has been, I just don't have the time or energy to continue this debate. I would respectfully like to agree to disagree. I always love a good debate and perhaps this can continue at a time when i have enough energy to think normally again.
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