Long time

Wow, So it has been a long time since i posted. School has been crazy and then moving as well. My own fault, I should have moved when my lease was up but i was opposed to the idea for some reason. I need to learn to be less stubborn. I get an idea in my head and wont let it go. I think it will be odd living up in Noblesville with Grace and ummm, her husband (i forget if i have a nickname for him or not, and i refuse to call him Leo). I dont think it will be bad but i have to get used to living with other people and so will they. I have lived alone for three years but I will have to live with someone someday, so I might as well do it. I will also have to get used to the commute. I want to get a part time job on top of my glorified av boy job so I can buy a new car. I want a Honda or Toyota. They are more expensive but better on gas millage. The Prius, gets 60 MPG in the CITY! the city people. that is insane. The honda insight also get 60. plus it get better milage on the highway, although it is only a two seater which wouldnt thrill me. Well I dont know where i want to work. I dread going back to retail but i dont know where i can get a job that will work around my schedule. I also dont want to work for shit money. I am over that shit but i dont want to be a manager because i just dont care that much. I want to go, do my job to the best of my ability and then go home. I dont want to have to think about. I dont know.

Everyone that reads this needs to spread the rumor that ALL GAY MEN CANT SWIM. My friend feminazi and I are trying ot start a stereotype for gay men and see if we can see it on tv. Wel figure it wont take long, get a few people who beleive and in a year or two we should see it on tv. I am sure that the religious right will say thats why we shouldnt be able to marry. if god wants us to marry then he would have allowed us to swim.

Alright, when i started this blog, i felt like i had a lot to say but now i cant remember it so i am signing off.

Second Blog in as many minutes

So, I was thinking today. Everyday when i come into work I have to go to another building to get keys to the office. I always see this guy and think to myself "I hate gay people". I say that a lot and I feel now though I should explain what I mean so people understand. I am not a gay man. I am a man who happens to be gay. I do not define myself by my homosexuality. It is part, not all of who i am. Although, I do not see myself that way, the world sees me by the definitions and stereotypes that the gay community puts forward. The stereotype of a gay man is a "girly", feminine, flaming, out there, bar fly who does not have goals and only cares about sex, drugs and sex. I do not feel as though that definition fits me but i am judged because of what others put out there. I have goals. I have a life other than the fact that i am gay. I know that I will have to work harder because of that stereotype and it will not change in the near future. I hope that by being myself and achieving my goals, I am able to show people that there are differences. I will not relent from defending myself if I am attacked for being gay. I will stand up for myself. being gay is part of who i am. When i see a gay man who is defining himself by his homosexuality or fitting every stereotype, i get annoyed. I can think of many instances where someone may be very nice but they completly define themselves in that way. Feminazi (Formally Squidgy) and I and one of her friends, Beth (I cant think of a good nickname for her), were at the local coffee shop. One of Beth's friends came in and sat down with us. I met him when he worked for three days at the baggage. He defines himself by his homosexuality. He may be a very nice guy but everything he does is based on the stereotypes that are put forward. When Feminazi and I were leaving, I stated that i can not stand him and that is why. She seemed offended by it but I knwo that if it were a woman sitting there taking similar actions about female stereotypes, she would have been annoyed. In my dealing with him which is limited I will admit, he may have been a nice guy but I can not and will not accept that he is the stereotype. I do not believe that people choose this. I think homosexuals, men in particular, who seem to fit the stereotype on the outside do not truly enjoy their life. While they are acting in a stereotypical way, they are covering for a life of regret and low self esteem. The whole problem with the gay community is that we all suffer from low self-esteem. How can you not when you spend years of your life hiding who you are because you are told it is wrong, immoral and a sin. I had and still have at times an immense low self esteem problem. Some people cover it up with drugs, others with countless meaningless sexual encounters or like i did, with food. I think why i am fat is because i am gay. food is comforting. Sex can be comforting to some people because they feel validated by it. They feel that someone wants them and it makes them feel better but i always want to ask, when they leave do you still feel better? the person always leaves and they are along again. gay men hate being alone and rarely are. I think it is hard to learn to love yourself, but you can never truly love somoene if you dont know how to be alone and love yourself. I do not enjoy the one night stand because you are always alone in the morning so what does it serve.
People tell me thatsex is needed and i used to argue with that but now i just give up. I do not believe that sex is a need, it is a want. I want sex, I do not need it. I can live my life without it, until I have something more than a one night stand, although it is more fun to have it.
Gay men annoy me. I want to surround myself with men who happen to be gay. I dont hate the people that may be the wrong word, i dont like what they represent. They represent everything i stand against. Some may show who they are but others may just be showing who they want the word to see. We need to give up the facades we put out for others. Well, I think that is it. please post comments, I want to hear them.

Washington DC

Well, Dynasty, Painterboy and I got back from DC this morning. It was fun but was also nice to sleep in my own bed. I am still surprised how comfortable the sofabed was compared to other sofabeds. We walked all over the place, my foot is still killing me. I dont know what I did to my toe but it looked pretty bad at a time. I think just rubbing it was probably what did it. I dont know how Painterboy walked around in cheap Abercrombie Flip Flops all day (MOre about those later) We got to DC about 930 Thursday morning. As we were driving in, Marine One Flew over and that was awesome. PB (Short for PainterBoy) got a picture of it and it was good compared we were in the car and it was moving. I wish we could have gotten closer but the experience was cool. We checked into the hotel and were impressed for the money how nice it was. DY and PB took a nap and I just couldnt. We decided to walk places or take the subway. We were about 7 block from George and the White house so we walked down. it was a beautiful day to be walking and walking and walking and walking. I think you get the idea. We saw the WH and that was Awesome, i will live there someday. We found the subway and took it to Arlington so we could see JFK and Jackie and the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soilder. We must have taken the long way up because it took a good half hour, forty five minutes to get up and then when we were done, it took maybe five minutes. Ok I may be exagerating a little but still it was nuts. We then went to the Capitol. We walked around it and Dy was all ready to keep going but PB and I revolted and demanded food. I was really crappy because i was tired. I dont think DY got it but oh well. I just wanted to go back and take a nap. They ate at Fudruckers, which we ate at the next day adn was pretty good. We went home and slept for a bit and then went to Dupont Circle to see what was up. We went back to the hotel and ordered a pizza and went to bed.

The next day we got up, at like 11 and went to the art museum which was freaking huge. PB i think was super excited. We went to the Smithsonian and the mall. I expected the mall to be nicer but i guess everyone walking on it and stuff made it pretty run down. There were some hot guys there playing sports. We saw the giant penis, oops i mean the washington monument. That was cool. We started walking down to see Lincoln but i had hurt my toe the day before and just wanted to rest. I sat down watched the boys play rugby. I think DY was jealous i got to do that LOL. I really think he thinks thats why i stopped, although it wasnt, just a plus. We went back to the hotel for a bit and then were going to eat at Dupont circle. We ate at California Pizza Kitchen. Ok the deal with tthat. We saw it the night before but they were closed. Painterboy and Dy were all excited about it and I thought they were nuts like normal because it was a pizza place, not named pizza express so how good could it be. Ok so you know i love the express but for different reasons, it is my comfort pizza. California Pizza Kitchen is Awesome. I hate veggies on pizza and it was so good. I hate chicken on pizza cause it seems wrong cause i love chicken, but chicken and pizza just seems wrong somehow. Well this was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. I just wanna say, if you have the option to eat there it is quite good. I want a second, more conveniant one in indy, the one here is a lot of work to go to. As for the picture, i think painterboy was just excited LOL

We got up the next morning and i misse dbreakfast buy like minutes, minutes people, do you know how annoying that is. This guy on the elavator was nice though and let me have some of his. Ok that sounds bad but it really wasnt. It was amuffin and it was wrapped. He was a nice guy and cute as all get out.

Once they finally got up, and i do mean finally, we went to the Potomac Mills Mall. Ok the thing is HUGE, HUGE PEOPLE it was sort of an outlet. some outlet stores and others not so much. it had an IKEA which is always fun. I bought pretty boring stuff. SO on Friday night, i walked around and it was raining and i was wearing flipflops to help no put pressure on my toe, so i kept slipping, like the bottom had not traction. I ended up walking back from the subway barefoot because it was easier. Although was not completly fun. This parking lot had likes of broken class put into the design, it seemed stupid to me and it kinda hurt but better than falling on my ass. Well overall that trip was fun. Some of us had a small stupid tiff on the car ride home. no need to get into it. We made it back alright. I drove like 4 hours on the way home while the other two slept. Dy i dont htink even woke up in that time. PB kept waking up and asking if i was alright. it was kinda funny. Well I think that is everything. Some pictures are on here but they are just ones i feel are cool or relavent

I HATE GROUP PROJECTS

So ok, Everyone that was in college can definatly relate, I am sure to the story I am about to tell. I am in a class right now where we have to do group projects. I hate group projects, just the idea of relying on other for my grade bothers me. If i fuck up, fine but if I do a great job and they fuck up then the shit will hit the fan. I decided that with this group, I would kind of take charge in hopes that things will get done. Well in theory, it was a great idea. In reality, it has not worked out. the one flaw in my plan is that, even when you are in charge and tell people what needs to be done, you plan still relys on them actually doing it. I said I would put our proposal together and send it in. that way I knew what it said beforehand and knew it was done correctly. Well, I asked them to have it to me by Sunday at noon so I had time to do it. Well noon rolls around and NOTHING! I did not start getting stuff until around 5. Well now it is the next morning and I am still missing three whole sections from the paper and half of the major section. I am sure I am missing a section or two because the person is waiting on information from others. I will say that two people do have everything to me. Those are not who i am upset with. I am upset because its just the proposal and we can not get things in. I have to have this stuff by 4 to send in. If they do not have it to me, I am going to write crappy sections just to fill them in because as long as all the sections are there, it can be redone, i was trying to avoid that but I guess that is what this is for. The worst part about this is that we all get the same grade. I mean have us each grade each other so it gives a way to learn what people actually did. I am just so frustrated, I hate group projects because there are always people like this. Its so stupid. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Drama Drama Drama

So I went out to the club last night again. I went down with Burt, Ernie and Forgetfull. Forgetfull was acting wierd last night. Well, he was talking about Dynasty and I dont know what he meant by it. When we got there, there was a pagent going on. We waited for it to finish and went down and looked for a seat. We did not find out so we stood closer to the stage.

Well, Apparently it is a rule that here has to be at least one fat, faghag there in a horrible outfit. The last time I was there there was the girl i meantioned in a earlier post. Well last night there was another. She was a bigger girl, of course and she has a shirt on that was again to tight and showed he fat hanging over her jeans but that was not the worst part, the jeans just were HORRIBLE. They did not fit her well, made her look like she had no butt. But where the butt was, there were cutouts at the top down about half way down. It was just not what i wanted to see. It was so bad, i mean who thinks that would look good, especially on bigger girls. I mean i know i am fat so i dont wear what the twinks do.

So anyone, now that my bitching about that is over. Dynasty was there and so was his ex, Pharmy and Pharmys new THING, and i do mean THING, dipshit. Well Dynasty has been going through a lot of shit with Pharmy and he of course had to be there and they had to rub each others backs and shit. I mean like they are a fucking loving happy couple or something. It was so sweet i wanted to vomit, on them. I really wanted to go over to them and say something to him because I have no respect for him. He has treated Dy like crap recently and he deserves better. I will give it that stupid mistakes were made on both sides when they were together but GET OVER IT. If you can not fogive and move past it then why are you even friends. I mean, everyone has done something to someone and if you can not move past it then you shouldnt be friends. I hold on to shit longer than anyone and i have moved past things in the past and i dont mean with Dy just with anyone. Painterboy and I were going to go slash Pharmy's tires but we didnt, well i didnt, i dont know what happened after i left. I am just mad that Dy has had to go through this shit for no reason. Dy, you know i say this with all the love in the world but you can do SO much better than him. He is just not worth it. I am glad i left because had i stayed I would have gone and told him what i thought and also kicked his little bitches ass. I mean dipshit is just using him and thats sad because as much as i dont like pharmy, he deserves better too. He doesnt deserve Dynasty after this though. There is someone out there that will be so much better. Its just hard to see a friend go through this for no reason. It just seems like Pharmy is fucking with him in some perverse joke or to get back at him or something. Well I am done bitching.